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Sickness

The stress and lack of sleep and lack of exercise, but mostly the lack of sleep lately and the stress, weakened my germ fighting abilities.  Early last week, I got sick.  I lost my voice.  Continued to work, which is tough to do in my job, but there were Important and Stressful Events going on so I pushed through it.  This last weekend was my first complete weekend home and all the kids were gone to their respective other homes.  My body must have sensed this, somehow, because I ended up in bed with a pretty severe head cold…which I think…turned into the flu.

This has not been fun.

Of course, now, when I most need rest, I cannot get it.  Even with decongestants and cold medicine my head is so stuffed up I can’t breath and my body hurts so badly I cannot get comfortable enough.  I merely pretend to sleep. Then I get frustrated and come down here and write.  If I don’t write, I’m tossing and turning all night long trying to find that elusive comfortable position in which I can both breath and not have my body screaming at me.  There are many things that keep me up at night; add sickness to the list.

In reality, it is the other things that keep me up at night that contributed to weakening my immunity.  Things like money, relationships, the kids, the ex’s, worries about the future.  The same old stuff.  These concerns haunt me, stalk me, never leave me.  I’ve just made a monumental move at a time of year that is probably the most stressful for me.  The only other time I could think of that would be worse, is Christmas, which is exactly why I chose to move now.  Christmas was the next option.  I knew it would be a push.  I figured it would be worth it.  I pushed.  I pushed hard.  I collapsed.

Now…too congested and in pain to sleep…I think and worry.

I worry about the upcoming pay cuts which will come through on my check this next paycheck.

I worry about the gas I’m now spending with the increase in transporting children around.  Maybe I can offset this by walking or riding my bike to work?

I worry (wonder?) about the relationship I’m currently in.  This could be topic for a whole host of future posts.

I worry about my kids.  I worry about financing Christmas.  I worry about my job.  I worry about how long my car will hold up.  I worry about the fact that I still have money left on my flexible spending account and, yet, nothing I can deduct or get reimbursed.  I worry about aging…and death.

I try not to.  I do.  But in the back of my mind all the “what if’s” lurk and stalk and wait to pounce until nights like tonight when I’m wide awake once again.

 

 

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