Fear

I wonder now how they felt.

Those old people, the adults in my life.  The ones in charge.

They always seemed so confident, so capable, so unafraid.

Answering questions, managing home, paying bills, making sure I made it to adulthood

alive and as safely as possible.

Then, as I aged, they became those older adults, not really very old but sort of  like the wrinkled ones.  You could see it coming in them.  A crease around the eyes that wasn’t there before.  A few more strands of gray that weren’t there yesterday.  Bits of evidence here and there.

I wonder how they felt.

Not yet old, but on the doorstep of aging.

Not yet wrinkled or frail, but barely peeking in through the window of aging decline.

How did they feel?

Just before the door opened and they were swept in to the old house where those with white hair, trembling limbs and a certain number of years all must eventually reside.

How did they feel?

Just before the world stopped looking at them, stopped touching them, stopped noticing them.

Did they feel the way I do right now?