Category Archives: Aging

Dreams

img_0881Have you ever had this urge to scrap everything and do something entirely different with your life?  Something so different it rates as impossible rather that merely improbable. I have done this.  I met someone and after only six months of dating, and most of that dating was via Skype, I married the guy.  It didn’t work out for me and I’m faced with rebuilding my life,but I don’t regret taking the risk.  I only regret that I didn’t manage the risk a bit better. I am the textbook reason prenuptial agreements need to exist.  But…I took the risk, it failed, but I don’t regret the experience and adventure that it was at all. My dream was to travel and live abroad. I did that. In the process, I learned a ton about how to schedule flights so that you never miss one, which airports to avoid and which are better for making connections. I learned how to schedule a trip across the pond (either direction) in order to minimize jet lag.  I’m still working on learning to travel light, but I’ve made vast improvement in that area over the last year. Most importantly, I’ve gone from thinking I should maybe give up my dreams to being confident that they will come to pass no matter how outlandish, impossible or impractical they might seem to me now.  I mean, I’ve had plenty of dreams over the last six years come true.  Why should that momentum end now? Read the rest of this entry

Fear

I wonder now how they felt.

Those old people, the adults in my life.  The ones in charge.

They always seemed so confident, so capable, so unafraid.

Answering questions, managing home, paying bills, making sure I made it to adulthood

alive and as safely as possible.

Then, as I aged, they became those older adults, not really very old but sort of  like the wrinkled ones.  You could see it coming in them.  A crease around the eyes that wasn’t there before.  A few more strands of gray that weren’t there yesterday.  Bits of evidence here and there.

I wonder how they felt.

Not yet old, but on the doorstep of aging.

Not yet wrinkled or frail, but barely peeking in through the window of aging decline.

How did they feel?

Just before the door opened and they were swept in to the old house where those with white hair, trembling limbs and a certain number of years all must eventually reside.

How did they feel?

Just before the world stopped looking at them, stopped touching them, stopped noticing them.

Did they feel the way I do right now?

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