Fairy Tales and Nightmares
About two years ago, I published a post on this blog about meeting this great guy. I published a post or two a bit later about marrying that guy and leaving my life as I had known it to live with him overseas. He worked overseas as a contractor and the plan was that I would move with him and live with him where he worked. It was a wonderful fairy tale story except that it was real and it was happening to me. I was going to be able to fulfill a lifelong dream of living abroad, being able to write and not have to deal with the stresses of my career. I was marrying a man I loved and who loved me. It was going to be great.
Except…it wasn’t great.
After a little over two years of being married, almost three of knowing each other, and only ten months of residing together in the same physical location, we are filing for divorce. It’s over. Turns out, my prince charming was hitting on the landlady in Lithuania only a few short weeks before he boarded a plane to fly back to my small hometown in the Pacific Northwest to pack up my belongings and move my stuff to his home in Colorado. Turns out he didn’t like me very much and his disgust toward me was evident when he arrived to move me (I read it as stress at the time, but it never went away when the stress ended). Turns out, I was so reprehensible to him that when we were out with friends, he ended up tuning me out every time I talked by getting on his phone and scanning Facebook, curling his lip when I spoke, cutting me off at every opportunity, and finally, fat shaming me in front of friends. Turns out, I was in love and made a commitment, and went all in on our relationship and marriage and now he’s essentially decided, “Oh, just kidding. Didn’t really mean it.”
Except, he made that decision without discussing any of it (or it’s impact on my life) with me.
He just gave me an airline ticket back to the States, with no return ticket and no viable explanation and then he went silent.
Not a phone call.
Not a Skype call.
Only text messages. And for the last month, not.one.word.
And then when I arrived back in the States, I was met by four members of his family, who spent two hours convincing me that my husband was an asshole (we can agree on that), that he wasn’t going to change, and that I should return to my children back in the Pacific Northwest. Four on one. That was certainly a fair and non-threatening discussion…not. And let’s be clear, I knew my husband put them up to it…or they put themselves up to it. I believe they’ve actively undermined this relationship from the start and we all know how it goes with certain families…no matter how much you love someone, if the family doesn’t approve, then there’s just no hope for survival of the relationship, even under the best of circumstances, even if my husband had been head-over-heels crazy about me, even if he’d really loved me and wanted to make it work. Which he did not.
So instead, I get a return ticket back with a family dinner where the message is essentially, “You aren’t welcome here.” I moved in with a 26′ U-Haul truck. I moved out, with a 10′ truck…alone. I made the trip across four states…alone. I relocated to a new city, found a tiny apartment (half the size of the town home I lived in before) and some temporary work…alone.
And while his life will move on after this divorce, pretty much as it was…mine is forever altered. The custody of my youngest child is changed. I had to relocate. I’m having to re-establish my career, which is not easily done in my field of work at my age. This doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the what this is and has cost me, financially, emotionally, personally, physically.
I took the risk and went all in on the Fairy Tale. It’s turned in to a living hell, the worst of nightmares.
Posted on November 19, 2016, in Divorce, Marriage, What Keeps Me Up At Night and tagged divorce, Fairy tales, marriage, Miz Insomniac, mizinsomniac, nightmares, when men go silent. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.