Breaking the Dating Rules
Friday night. According to all the “dating” rules, I should not be admitting publicly in any kind of venue that I am at home and not out on a date. I don’t care what the rules say. I’m having a fantastic time. I’ve been grinding away for two months on major work projects. Projects that revitalized me because I felt they were purposeful…and challenging…and interesting. Projects that kept me energized and distracted me from worrying about any number of things.
Okay, sure. Let’s be clear. If Perfect Relationship came along, I would hope I’d have the sense to go for it. The problem is, I don’t believe in “Perfect Relationship”? I just don’t think it exists and I believe that perpetrating the myth that a “Perfect Relationship” exists and is even viable, is incredibly damaging.
The reality is every quality relationship in life, work, family, romantic, takes effort and none of them are perfect. Good, yes. Perfect…not so much. So, I hold out for something decent, which I can envision myself happily tolerating over the long haul, and nothing quite materializes. I mean, yes, good guys appear, but they are either not attractive or not interesting or not intelligent or all three. The effort it takes to meet up and be disappointed is becoming less and less worth it with each passing day.
So, rather than seeking out “Perfect Relationship” on questionable online dating sites (meaning I question their effectiveness for me), I spend my time doing that which interests me. After all, for now, that is who I answer to. Also, with every passing birthday, I become more aware that time is such a valuable gift. Why waste it on what we think others expect us to do? Why not do that which enriches our very soul and experience? Though one might think a “relationship” would provide that enrichment, to date, it has not done so for me.
That’s what I’m doing tonight.
After work, I met up with colleagues for happy hour. I then met up with another person who mentored me through the last couple of projects that I successfully landed this month. We strategized future plans and made notes about mistakes made on this last campaign. It was far more interesting to me than meeting up with some stranger and finding out that he was nothing like he said he was online.
After my grown up time, I had the privilege of entertaining my two nieces and my youngest, at my home while they decided to do what most middle school girls do: create cushion and blanket forts and then have a fashion show. I mean, really? What else would you expect?
For those of you who have followed me for any length of time, you will know what a crazy ride my life has been. The life of a single mom with kids is never easy or predictable. I’ve stressed over finances, I’ve moved to a new location, I’ve had to give up and start over, I’ve had one disaster after another chase me down. But tonight, with all the disaster and drama my life has been over the last few years, I have to admit: Life is good, and my crazy “drama-magnet” life seems to have stabilized.
Tonight, I am home with three young ladies, verging on the brink of teenagerdom. They are presenting a “fashion show” for me from all the relics of my daughter’s dress up bin. In a few weeks, my nieces will board a plane for the east coast, arriving in a suburb of Pennsylvania, and my daughter will no longer be able to get together with her cousins as easily again. I’m saddened. And, yet, at the same time, I feel incredibly blessed to have this time here with them tonight. Who knows when I will see these young ladies again. Who knows?
In the meantime, enjoying this time with these young ladies is better than any meetup could be.
Posted on May 25, 2013, in What Keeps Me Up At Night and tagged dating, dating after 40, dating after 50, deciding not to date, mizinsomniac, online dating, single moms dating. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.