Goldilocks and Dating
Online dating is so much like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. If you’re a woman, you can pretty much put up a profile, and if your profile is decent and your pictures are good, you can just dangle that bait in the water and watch the fish come swarming to your inbox. But then the real work begins. It’s just like Goldilocks sampling the porridge, the chairs and the beds of The Three Bears: this one’s too hot, that one’s too cold, will the next one be just right?
I reactivated my profile on Plenty of Fish a few weeks back. To be honest, I’m not sure why I did it. I think it was mostly curiosity. I think I was wondering what might be out there. Maybe I was wanting reassurance that, yes, that online dating ship has totally sailed. Maybe, deep down, I was hoping that it wasn’t too late for me to experience a really decent relationship just quite yet. (Not sure why I thought I might find that on an online
meat market, I mean, dating sight, but whatever.) Maybe, I was just bored. Except, I don’t usually get bored.
For whatever reason, I rewrote the profile, put it up and waited. This time, I made sure to mention that I was a professional career woman (no,this is not a euphemism for prostitute), active and that I enjoyed cycling. I made sure to mark myself as being of “average” build and not “athletic”. I also mentioned that while I am able to survive on the meals I prepare, cooking is not my best thing. The results have been interesting.
While I wouldn’t say my inbox has been slammed with mail, there has been a steady stream of people viewing me. (Okay, it’s been slammed. I can’t get back to the people who contact me. The delete key has been my salvation.) I get notices daily that 5-10 people want to meet me. Of course, I disregard these. If they want to meet me, they can strike up a conversation and make the necessary arrangements. And everyday (after the first initial deluge of interested people) there has been a steady stream of newly interested people. It’s more than enough interest to keep a gal fed and giggly tipsy (without spending a dime of her own, that is, if she actually decided to meet up with any of these people).
I also seem to be catching a very different kind of fish these days. These men are my age, employed, and reasonably attractive based on the pictures they are providing. Their kids are grown or nearly so, and they are all great cooks. The most significant thing I am noticing is that these men are more skilled with the writing portion of dating that the pool I was dealing with a year or two ago. I’m also noticing that they aren’t content to just text or email or phone call. They want to meet right away or almost right away. I’m okay with that, except for one thing…it takes a bit of time to clear my schedule. I’m doing it though. Gradually, hesitantly, I’m pulling fish out of the digital pond and taking a look.
The first guy I met up with was gorgeous. Tall, dark and handsome. But he was a nut job. Everything around us was somehow connected to some plot to usher in a new world order. The Twin Towers, Newtown, and Boston were all plots by the government to create a climate of fear and terror. Just a step in the scheme of moving things toward this New World Order, which we must all protect ourselves from. This guy was clearly too crazy. He later had the guts to call me up last minute (read he called me the morning of the day he wanted to go out) and set up dinner. A date which he cancelled one hour before I was supposed to meet him. (Men can be such tools.) He then had the audacity to message me a week later and ask me out again. Like I said, the delete key has been incredibly useful.
Then there’s the buff guy (I’m not kidding when I say that) who really was attractive, until he texted me these words: “don’t worry, I already have plans to make you just like me”. Yeah, serious red flaggage. I didn’t exactly end that one right away, but it soon became clear to me that this was a guy who wanted to suggest a lot of things, but he was not down for the hard sale. He was going to leave all that to me. For example, he was going to suggest we get together, but then he was going to leave it to me to do all the work of pinning down an exact time and location. Also, I did have a meet up scheduled with him and he canceled. It was due to work, of course. Yeah. You do that with me and you just don’t get a second chance. So when he recently asked me if/when we would ever meet, I simply mentioned that regarding the idea of meeting up he simply had never set up anything. I haven’t heard from him since.
So, they’re either too nutty, or too lazy. When will there be a Mr. Just Right? I don’t know. I care, but I can’t care. It’s too painful. The odds on this one are just not in my favor. Until the message I received a couple of days ago…
He’s my age. He’s attractive. His introductory message was interesting and articulate and he actually spelled words correctly. Bonus: he punctuated his message correctly. He earned the privilege of me looking at his profile. I decided he was probably worth meeting. I almost never arrive at this conclusion, especially after meeting Mr. Nut Job.
He messaged me this: Can we meet at X place for cocktails on Y date at Z time. (Are you kidding me? This just doesn’t happen in the online forum.) Sadly, the date he suggested didn’t work for me. I countered with another one about a week out and, well, we have a meet up scheduled. Surprisingly, I’m looking forward to it. I’m not holding my breath that this is going to be Prince Charming, but I am, at least, looking forward to getting to know this person. He seems real and like someone I would hang out with. He seems like he might be “just right”.
It’s set up for next Wednesday.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Posted on May 14, 2013, in What Keeps Me Up At Night and tagged dating, dating after divorce, divorce, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, MisInsomniac, mizinsomniac, online dating, single moms, singles. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.