Goldilocks and Dating

Online dating is so much like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. If you’re a woman, you can pretty much put up a profile, and if your profile is decent and your pictures are good, you can just dangle that bait in the water and watch the fish come swarming to your inbox. But then the real work begins. It’s just like Goldilocks sampling the porridge, the chairs and the beds of The Three Bears: this one’s too hot, that one’s too cold, will the next one be just right?

I reactivated my profile on Plenty of Fish a few weeks back. To be honest, I’m not sure why I did it. I think it was mostly curiosity. I think I was wondering what might be out there. Maybe I was wanting reassurance that, yes, that online dating ship has totally sailed. Maybe, deep down, I was hoping that it wasn’t too late for me to experience a really decent relationship just quite yet. (Not sure why I thought I might find that on an online meat market, I mean, dating sight, but whatever.) Maybe, I was just bored. Except, I don’t usually get bored.

For whatever reason, I rewrote the profile, put it up and waited. This time, I made sure to mention that I was a professional career woman (no,this is not a euphemism for prostitute), active and that I enjoyed cycling. I made sure to mark myself as being of “average” build and not “athletic”. I also mentioned that while I am able to survive on the meals I prepare, cooking is not my best thing. The results have been interesting.

While I wouldn’t say my inbox has been slammed with mail, there has been a steady stream of people viewing me. (Okay, it’s been slammed. I can’t get back to the people who contact me. The delete key has been my salvation.) I get notices daily that 5-10 people want to meet me. Of course, I disregard these. If they want to meet me, they can strike up a conversation and make the necessary arrangements. And everyday (after the first initial deluge of interested people) there has been a steady stream of newly interested people. It’s more than enough interest to keep a gal fed and giggly tipsy (without spending a dime of her own, that is, if she actually decided to meet up with any of these people).

I also seem to be catching a very different kind of fish these days. These men are my age, employed, and reasonably attractive based on the pictures they are providing. Their kids are grown or nearly so, and they are all great cooks. The most significant thing I am noticing is that these men are more skilled with the writing portion of dating that the pool I was dealing with a year or two ago. I’m also noticing that they aren’t content to just text or email or phone call. They want to meet right away or almost right away. I’m okay with that, except for one thing…it takes a bit of time to clear my schedule. I’m doing it though. Gradually, hesitantly, I’m pulling fish out of the digital pond and taking a look.

The first guy I met up with was gorgeous. Tall, dark and handsome. But he was a nut job. Everything around us was somehow connected to some plot to usher in a new world order. The Twin Towers, Newtown, and Boston were all plots by the government to create a climate of fear and terror. Just a step in the scheme of moving things toward this New World Order, which we must all protect ourselves from. This guy was clearly too crazy. He later had the guts to call me up last minute (read he called me the morning of the day he wanted to go out) and set up dinner. A date which he cancelled one hour before I was supposed to meet him. (Men can be such tools.) He then had the audacity to message me a week later and ask me out again. Like I said, the delete key has been incredibly useful.

Then there’s the buff guy (I’m not kidding when I say that) who really was attractive, until he texted me these words: “don’t worry, I already have plans to make you just like me”. Yeah, serious red flaggage. I didn’t exactly end that one right away, but it soon became clear to me that this was a guy who wanted to suggest a lot of things, but he was not down for the hard sale. He was going to leave all that to me. For example, he was going to suggest we get together, but then he was going to leave it to me to do all the work of pinning down an exact time and location. Also, I did have a meet up scheduled with him and he canceled. It was due to work, of course. Yeah. You do that with me and you just don’t get a second chance. So when he recently asked me if/when we would ever meet, I simply mentioned that regarding the idea of meeting up he simply had never set up anything. I haven’t heard from him since.

So, they’re either too nutty, or too lazy. When will there be a Mr. Just Right? I don’t know. I care, but I can’t care. It’s too painful. The odds on this one are just not in my favor. Until the message I received a couple of days ago…

He’s my age. He’s attractive. His introductory message was interesting and articulate and he actually spelled words correctly. Bonus: he punctuated his message correctly. He earned the privilege of me looking at his profile. I decided he was probably worth meeting. I almost never arrive at this conclusion, especially after meeting Mr. Nut Job.

He messaged me this: Can we meet at X place for cocktails on Y date at Z time. (Are you kidding me? This just doesn’t happen in the online forum.) Sadly, the date he suggested didn’t work for me. I countered with another one about a week out and, well, we have a meet up scheduled. Surprisingly, I’m looking forward to it. I’m not holding my breath that this is going to be Prince Charming, but I am, at least, looking forward to getting to know this person. He seems real and like someone I would hang out with. He seems like he might be “just right”.

It’s set up for next Wednesday.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

About Miz Insomniac

Usually, it's the kids who grow up and leave home, but Miz Insomniac switched it up. When her kids grew up she decided to make her dreams come true so she flew the nest. After making 12 trips across the pond and back to Europe, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East in 2014-15, Miz Insomniac now qualifies as a world traveler. She hasn't quite mastered the fine art of traveling light, but she knows how to manipulate travel plans to avoid missed flights and jet lag. A former hopeless romantic turned realist, she's stateside now reinventing her life in a new city, with new opportunities, and all the challenges that come with leaving a career, traveling abroad for a year, and then returning to a world that's nothing like she left it. Her overseas travel is by no means over, it's just not as frequent. She's different now, but remains a night owl. She writes when she should be sleeping...and while you probably are.

Posted on May 14, 2013, in What Keeps Me Up At Night and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I totally relate! Hope your date goes well and let us know how it turns out!

    I had similar experience when I edited my POF profile to say “I’m an Accountant and I’m serious about my job.” It made a difference in the users who responded back. First off, less users responded back! But of the users who did, they tended to be attractive, mature, seemed polished and responded with the message, “It’s great to see a woman who has her head on straight” or something similar. Unfortunately, after chatting for so long, many started to show their unattractive sides and scared me away before we had a chance to meet!

    I did however, meet one guy who seems to have a lot of potential – he even took my son and I out for dinner this past Mother’s Day which was a spur of the moment suggestion and very thoughtful on his part. Not sure if the romantic interest is there or if we are just becoming good friends only.

    • Ah, yes, those ones with potential…everything seems to be great, but somehow, you just can’t quite decide about the person romantically. I never know what to do in that situation, so I usually do nothing, and the thing stalls and evaporates. It was sweet of him to consider you on Mother’s Day. That’s got to earn him some serious bonus points.

      Thanks for commenting. I love hearing about other people’s experiences.

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