Married Men

Ever go into a business meeting or some social event and notice how many people are married? Now, I’m not exactly looking for Mr. Right. As each day passes, I become more and more convinced that the relationship/marriage boat sailed long ago and I was probably at the airport when it did. No. I’m not looking for someone to complete me. I’m not looking for a friend to benefit with. I’m not looking to get involved in any kind of romantic relationship at all. Not only that, but I live in a location that is billed as one of the worst places in this nation to be if you are a single woman. I’m not fooling myself. The odds for me to meet up with some decent guy I’m somewhat compatible with are slim. That I might have a romantic connection with the guy reduces the odds almost 100%. Even though I’m not looking,even though I don’t really care, there are times when I look around and I notice that all the men in the room are married. I then notice that most of the women in the room are married too…except for me…and maybe one or two others. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me. I like being single and being in a room of men who are married, especially if they are happily married, means I’m not going to get hit on at the company conference. I like that. It means I can actually have a conversation with these men that focuses on something meaningful that won’t necessarily lead to the bedroom.

I feel this way, most of the time, except for the meeting I attended tonight.

I haven’t been posting regularly lately because I’ve taken on some added responsibilities at work. Responsibilities that I find exhilarating, actually. Responsibilities that require me to work extra hours, attend lots of meetings, network extensively, and spend a great deal of time away from home and blogging. The result? No sleepless nights, that’s for sure.

But a couple of instances tonight are gnawing at me and I need to dump them from my psyche because I won’t sleep at all unless I do. Even then, sleep is not guaranteed.

Tonight I attended a meeting filled with men; all of them sporting the fat gold band. One of them, was a man I knew in high school. There was a brief romantic interest there, but it didn’t go any where. Not because he wasn’t interested, but because I simply was just too skittish about dating in high school. I somehow knew I couldn’t commit to anything until I’d seen the world a bit, and yet he was adorable, funny, endearing and artistic. To be honest, I think it scared me how I felt about him, so I ran.

But about a month ago, I attended this big company event in a big city far away from where I normally live and work. As company conventions go, this one was a big deal. Seriously. They put us up in the nicest hotel. All 1,000 of us reps. Wait. We commandeered the entire hotel for the weekend. There was music, food, libations, people, and networking galore. I was in my element. And there he was the whole time sitting one row behind me in the very large meeting room.

At first, I took no notice. But his last name is just not one you hear every day. I remember thinking at this convention, “I wonder if he is the same guy I knew back in the day.”

Fast forward to today’s meeting. He was there. The very first thing he says to me tells me he is who I thought he was and he remembers me. He walked up to me, gave me a big bear hug and we spent a few minutes catching up.

How do you condense 30 years into a five minute conversation? I had this incredible urge to suggest we go out for drinks and get caught up, but, of course, that didn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. He’s sporting the big gold ring.

He’s every bit as adorable as he was back when we were kids. It’s funny how that funny, crazy, almost silly, young kid you used to know can morph into this creative genius who is a powerful leader in his own right. He’s intelligent, educated, artistic, and he excels in his career. It’s the first time in forever that I wished the married guy I was talking to wasn’t married.

But, he is married. At least, that’s what the ring says and I will honor that. He will never, ever know that not hanging out with him a bit longer back in the day is something I am now regretting.

And now we will be working together monthly, at least, for most of the year (he heads up an office out of town, but has to come to town for regional meetings every month). I can handle it. I’ll be professional and appropriately distant. We’ll work together and collaborate on projects, and I suspect he will help further my interests and I can certainly help further his because of my own connections, but back in the back of my mind and deep down in my walled-up and barricaded heart I will wonder on a more personal level what might have been if, back in the day, I had I not run so far so fast?

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About Miz Insomniac

Usually, it's the kids who grow up and leave home, but Miz Insomniac switched it up. When her kids grew up she decided to make her dreams come true so she flew the nest. After making 12 trips across the pond and back to Europe, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East in 2014-15, Miz Insomniac now qualifies as a world traveler. She hasn't quite mastered the fine art of traveling light, but she knows how to manipulate travel plans to avoid missed flights and jet lag. A former hopeless romantic turned realist, she's stateside now reinventing her life in a new city, with new opportunities, and all the challenges that come with leaving a career, traveling abroad for a year, and then returning to a world that's nothing like she left it. Her overseas travel is by no means over, it's just not as frequent. She's different now, but remains a night owl. She writes when she should be sleeping...and while you probably are.

Posted on May 13, 2013, in Dating, Divorce, Relationships, The World of Work, Wrapping My Mind Around These Things...Or Trying To and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. You know, Miz, I’m no psychoanalyst–I probably am actually more in need of one. But do you think maybe thou protestest too much that you’re not looking for love? When I hear somebody say as many times in the course of a few paragraphs that she’s just not interested in a relationship, I think I’m listening to somebody who’s really interested in a relationship. Then you run into an old ‘coulda been’ and you’re smitten all over again? But I think you’re doing the right thing. Concentrate on your work, on being who you are. Men of any quality are drawn to smart, capable women. They’re not ALL married.

    • Not interested in seeking out a relationship, not interested in dealing with the downfalls of a bad one, or one that isn’t right, resistant to going to the effort of being available and open to one should the opportunity ever present itself (whatever that means), and being interested in a relationship are very different things. I’m all of the former, which, I think, eliminates the latter, simply because if I were all that seriously interested, I would do some things in my life differently. I think I’m caught between two difficulties. One, I wouldn’t be opposed to having a nice relationship with a nice person. The problem is, I don’t really want to go out of my way to make that happen. Also, I agree with you that if I just go about my business of being the best me I can be, then the right person will come along and it will work and I won’t have had to orchestrate a meet up or a “relationship”. I’m not articulating myself well, here, but I’m really not interested in all the contrived social expectations that go along with trying to find a partner these days. On the other hand, if I happened to sit down at the local coffee shop, or meet someone in some more authentic way, I would be very interested in such a situation. I’m also well aware, that the odds of anything authentic in my current demographic, are completely against me. So, maybe the fates will determine the results more than my interest (or not) level.

  2. Reblogged this on Shoesonthebridge and commented:
    This is good, I know many of us feel this way too!

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