Dreams

They started again. The moving dreams. They are all similar, some of them even repeat certain elements while varying others. Each time they occur they tend to signal some sort of transition, either one I’m going through, one I’m considering, or one I’m completely unaware that is happening or soon to occur. I had no memory of this dream upon waking this morning. It came back to me, in full detail much later in the day, as I was sitting in traffic, of all places. It was so surreal, I was tempted to close my eyes and relive the dream.

In each dream, I am in the process of having to find new living arrangements. Always the new living arrangements are in a beautiful city about five hours away from me. A city I’d love to live in, but which I hesitate to uproot my current great existence for, because, well, I’m secure here and the cost of living is higher there, and I’d probably have to take a pay cut. I have a great job. I have some security, as much security as anyone can really have these days, and a good income. I have a support network and people/businesses I rely on to make my life run smoothly. I don’t fight through much traffic if and when I actually drive. Three of my four children were born here. And the weather here is pretty mild most months of the year. That’s a big deal for a woman who does something like cycling, which can be done in the snow, but is best done on dry roads in fair or mild weather. My life right now is convenient, and comfortable, and good. Even so, I sometimes wonder about making changes, in my career, in my location, in my life. Right now, life is so very good for me. I really don’t want to upset the proverbial apple cart, but whether I like it or not, something is about to change in a significant way. I know it because of the dreams. They always foretell some significant transition.

Years ago, these dreams included me making provisions for all of my children. Last night’s dream only depicted me and my youngest making the move. I was hunting for a place to live. The same places I always seem to hunt for in these dreams. The dream centers around me viewing various places. Some of them large, some of them not so large, all of them in this other city. All of them nice. But, I’m basically apartment shopping in all these dreams and the setting is always the same.
It’s the city I would love to move to, but which, for a number of reasons I hesitate. Sure, I could probably find work. But…then…maybe I wouldn’t.

Last night’s dream was a bit different. Instead of strategizing the move and looking for places to live, this time, I had already moved. I was staying in temporary living quarters with friends from a decade ago which I’ve just reconnected with in the last three days. This time, I was looking for a final landing place, and I had time to search…but…at the same time…there was a sense of urgency about the whole dream.

All of this came back to me today as I muddled through what I would call a productive but wasted vacation day. It was spent dealing with the details of my insurance settlement for the accident, sending in documentation for the lender so that they will fund my “Shiny New Thing”, and dealing with tax issues. It was not fun. It was not restful. It was productive and it was necessary. But then, as I’m sitting at a stoplight, last night’s dream, experienced in the few hours of sleep I was able to grab between the disruptive feline antics, came back to me in full detail and technicolor and it left me feeling, well, wistful and curious.

In the early years (I’ve had these dreams or some variation of them since I was in my mid to late twenties), these dreams left me feeling like my life was over and like life had ended for me. They left me wishing I could re-do earlier choices and make different ones. Over the years, they seem to signify an upcoming change or transition instead of indicating missed opportunities. I’ve learned to brace myself and pay attention. I don’t know where this change is going to originate. The most likely explanation is a career move I am contemplating, which will require additional training and then might require me to relocate. If I am successful, and can land a position at the new level, it will mean a minimum of $15,000 a year in increased income, and if I am able to stay in the same area I’m in it will mean something more like $20-$30K more a year. When I’m faced with paying off student loans and putting children through college and getting a late start on the retirement planning, it’s not a figure you just dismiss out of hand. But it could mean a big transition. It could mean relocating. In my younger years, I loved the relocation game. But that was when I only had me to worry about. Now I have children, and these children have other families. Other families that are here, not there. I’m also older. (Do not read that as old.) I am more focused these days on the quality of life, rather than the quantity, unfortunately, sometimes they intertwine and it can be difficult to determine the good quantity with the useless or that which is detrimental to the quality of one’s existence. I mean, having a decent retirement and not having to be a financial burden on my children in my later years is a significant consideration, and it means I need to make plans now.

So, clearly, there’s a change on the way for me. Or, at least, there is one I must decide whether or not I’m going to accept. I’m a little nervous…but more than anything…I’m curious and excited to see what the future has in store. It’s going to be interesting to see what happens next.

It could be a bust, but if I had to make a guess based on past experience, I’d say it’s going to be an exciting ride. And, if you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know this: my life might not be filled with the best of luck, but it sure isn’t boring by any means.

So, I guess what I’m saying is: something’s up. Don’t know exactly what it is yet…but there’s a story in the making. I can guarantee that much.

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About Miz Insomniac

Usually, it's the kids who grow up and leave home, but Miz Insomniac switched it up. When her kids grew up she decided to make her dreams come true so she flew the nest. After making 12 trips across the pond and back to Europe, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East in 2014-15, Miz Insomniac now qualifies as a world traveler. She hasn't quite mastered the fine art of traveling light, but she knows how to manipulate travel plans to avoid missed flights and jet lag. A former hopeless romantic turned realist, she's stateside now reinventing her life in a new city, with new opportunities, and all the challenges that come with leaving a career, traveling abroad for a year, and then returning to a world that's nothing like she left it. Her overseas travel is by no means over, it's just not as frequent. She's different now, but remains a night owl. She writes when she should be sleeping...and while you probably are.

Posted on April 3, 2013, in Career, The Future, What Keeps Me Up At Night and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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