A Tale of Two Dates

Ever notice how, when once you commit to something, the universe conspires to convince you otherwise? The minute you decide you are, for sure, going to go on that diet, all manner of beverages, desserts and delicious cuisine are offered you. The minute you commit to daily exercise the kids suddenly need rides right when you planned to exercise. The minute you decide that you’ve given up on dating, suddenly your dance card is full.

I have mentioned repeatedly on my digital home here, how I have given up dating. Let me explain this. I am tired of the games. I am tired of crossing paths with those people whose sole priority is to find someone to fill whatever gap they have in their lives so they can pretend to be whole and complete people. You see these people all over the online dating sites. They’re obvious. The first time you meet up with them, if you get that far, you are subjected to a litany of interview questions that rival the best a Fortune 500 company could produce. It’s downright stressful and you don’t even have the hope of a paying position afterward. These people are insecure, needy, and perceive themselves and you as incomplete if you do not have a partner. This is what I’m tired of. I’m also tired of having to screen through those tools who only want to hook up for a night of sex, where, clearly, they are the only ones having any benefit. Yeah, you read me right. Admittedly, these are easier to detect. They don’t even bother with the interview questions, they just push. And they push hard. I hate this. Putting your picture and your profile up somehow subjects you to these kind of creeps thinking that this is why you put your profile up: so they could use and abuse you. Yeah. I’m not going near any of that…ever.again.

This does not mean I would not be interested in a committed, loving relationship were it to enter my life. But therein lies the problem. How the hell is it ever going to enter my life as defensive as I am right now? Or, am I simply unconcerned and unwilling to settle? Either way, any guy that wants to get my attention is going to have to be freaking Superman, or I’ll simply walk away. This is the downside to men treating women badly. It makes it harder for the men who are really decent, thoughtful, caring, and interested individuals. In my case, I’ve listened too long to the sweet words men can say, without insisting that the words match their behavior. I’m over that. I’ll be single for the rest of my days before I get into a relationship where the man isn’t willing to jump tall buildings in a single bound, sail the seven seas, and kill that blasted dragon for me. And, let’s face it. When a man is crazy about a woman, the entire world knows it…including the woman. That’s all I’m asking for. Someone who is crazy about me, just the way I am, without modifications and who is willing to make it clearly known. Otherwise, thank you very much, but I am not interested. I want the best that a relationship can offer, or I’m not in. Single is better than miserable any day.

That being said, I decided I needed to expand my horizons. After all, if I intend to live in this area much longer, I should at least try to get to know other people besides those I work with and those I know through my kids. So I checked out a few groups on MeetUp.com. Now, MeetUp is most definitely not a dating sight. It is an interest based website where people can set up events that other people with similar interests can attend. So I joined three groups: a photography group, a blogging group, and a singles group where the message was clear that they were not here to hook up. So, last Friday, I tried out the singles group.

It was a wonderful evening, until he showed up.

I didn’t even recognize him at first, he seemed so nice and insignificant.

I was pretty focused on meeting as many different people that night as I could. Somehow, every time I turned around he was there. He made sure he was sitting next to me whenever possible, but he was slick. He didn’t land, until I did. While I mingled, he mingled, elsewhere. But when I became stationary, there he was right next to me. Now, he wasn’t bad looking at all. He was really fun to talk to, but when he broke out with, “The only reason I’m here tonight is because I knew you were coming and you seemed like such an amazing person. I thought to myself ‘I want to meet her’.” Yeah, give me a break though I have to admit he pegged me right: I am an amazing person. In spite of that, I ended up leaving that event and meeting up with him at a nearby local dive bar that happened to be hosting a great local band. I went in my own car. I paid for half the drinks. I took advantage of no one and led no one on. I drove myself home. As it should be.

Next thing you know I’m getting emails questioning my level of commitment. My level of commitment to what???? To make a long story short, everything about this interaction says, “Run fast and far in the opposite direction.” I’m heeding that advice.

Contrast this with the enjoyable evening I had (yes, it was a date) the following evening. This is a person I have known on Facebook for the last two year, but whom I have never met. We’ve talked and interacted directly and every time he communicated with me it was always on a significantly deeper level and so very inspirational and encouraging. I decided that I finally just had to meet this individual. I didn’t like toss myself out there and brazenly beg to meet him. Instead, there was a casual meetup happening with several of our mutual local musician friends and I mentioned how I’d like to be included if it worked out. Funny thing…it did work out. I wasn’t expecting that at all.

Ever meet someone, and immediately you feel so at ease and comfortable? There’s no awkward gap in the conversation. You talk for hours and the next thing you know, you’re closing down the bar. That was us. This is the same person I went out with this last Saturday night. It was a beautiful evening. I’ve never felt more myself, or more at ease. We talked, we shared, then after dinner at a very nice place, we went to listen to a local group we knew but had never heard before. Later he drove me home, and I went into my place and he went back to his place. No pressure of a goodnight kiss. No pressure. Completely authentic, accepting, and fun.

Next thing you know, I’m not getting creepy emails questioning my level of commitment, but instead a simple and sweet thank you saying, “I had a wonderful evening. Thank you. Let’s be thinking about the next adventure we can plan together.” His latest email to me told me (in advance) that he was going to be busy with work and music rehearsals and a couple of gigs he has going on. He mentioned he’d talk to me in a day or two. Now, I might be insane, but this sounds just a tad bit more considerate, respectful and relaxed than anyone I’ve ever met before. He could still be a tool, but he sure has my attention because he’s operating so differently that all the other tools. Even so, as great as he might be…I’m still nowhere near ready to give up my single status. Just as I decide to stop dating, the universe has conspired against me. But I am still willing to slow down, a bit, and give him an audience, for now.

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About Miz Insomniac

Usually, it's the kids who grow up and leave home, but Miz Insomniac switched it up. When her kids grew up she decided to make her dreams come true so she flew the nest. After making 12 trips across the pond and back to Europe, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East in 2014-15, Miz Insomniac now qualifies as a world traveler. She hasn't quite mastered the fine art of traveling light, but she knows how to manipulate travel plans to avoid missed flights and jet lag. A former hopeless romantic turned realist, she's stateside now reinventing her life in a new city, with new opportunities, and all the challenges that come with leaving a career, traveling abroad for a year, and then returning to a world that's nothing like she left it. Her overseas travel is by no means over, it's just not as frequent. She's different now, but remains a night owl. She writes when she should be sleeping...and while you probably are.

Posted on February 12, 2013, in Dating and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I’ve always said, you don’t decide when or if you’ll be in love or be in a meaningful relationship with someone–life does that for you. Our job is to learn not to fight too hard when life turns out to be right.

    • I agree wholeheartedly. I’m also very aware that my biggest challenge right now is the “not fighting” part. Or…maybe trusting that life is turning out to be right. But…I’m giving myself the freedom to relax and not worry about it.

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