Payday

On Facebook, it is the monthly ritual, for a great number of my “friends” to complain about how quickly the money they worked for all month disappears when they pay the bills. I understand this. I empathize with this sentiment, but this is not how I feel about payday.

Sure, I work long hours, often bringing work home and working even more hours, in order to earn the paycheck that provides for my family. I have overhead. There’s the house payment, student loans (yes, graduate degrees cost bank), utilities, cell phones, Internet and cable, and now a car payment. My bank statements often look more like the in out fund of a charity organization than they do the ledger of a single working mom. I do understand my friends when they bemoan the fact that as soon as it comes in, it seems to disappear. This, for the longest time has been my reality too.

Even when times were the worst, I looked forward to payday. Payday, for one living month to month in the financial holocaust that often occurs post-divorce, represents an opportunity to start over with a clean slate. Even though the money I slaved for all month practically disappears in an hour of bill paying, I am glad to pay the bills. In fact, I look forward to it these days. I actually enjoy paying the bills.

Here’s why:

If I’m paying the bills, it means there is money in the bank to pay the bills. It means I am not staying up late at night worrying about how I’m going to pay the bills and feed the kids. It means that for one more month I will be able to provide fully for my little clan: food, shelter, heat, running water, and some modest form of entertainment via cable and the Internet. It means I am employed. It means my health is good and I’m able to work. It means that, while life might not be perfect, and though I’m certainly not rolling in the dough, I have just what I need to take care of my little family. I know there are others more fortunate than I. I do not begrudge them this. I know there are others far less fortunate than I. This humbles me and weighs on me. I wish I could do more to make life better for people less fortunate than I.

Each payday I look forward to being able to pay the bills without having to incur more debt to do so. I don’t have creditors calling me to demand payment. It feels really good to know that for at least another month we are going to be okay. Even though I could not be considered wealthy by any means, I am content. I have just what I need, and that is enough.