On Facebook, it is the monthly ritual, for a great number of my “friends” to complain about how quickly the money they worked for all month disappears when they pay the bills. I understand this. I empathize with this sentiment, but this is not how I feel about payday.

Sure, I work long hours, often bringing work home and working even more hours, in order to earn the paycheck that provides for my family. I have overhead. There’s the house payment, student loans (yes, graduate degrees cost bank), utilities, cell phones, Internet and cable, and now a car payment. My bank statements often look more like the in out fund of a charity organization than they do the ledger of a single working mom. I do understand my friends when they bemoan the fact that as soon as it comes in, it seems to disappear. This, for the longest time has been my reality too.

Even when times were the worst, I looked forward to payday. Payday, for one living month to month in the financial holocaust that often occurs post-divorce, represents an opportunity to start over with a clean slate. Even though the money I slaved for all month practically disappears in an hour of bill paying, I am glad to pay the bills. In fact, I look forward to it these days. I actually enjoy paying the bills.

Here’s why:

If I’m paying the bills, it means there is money in the bank to pay the bills. It means I am not staying up late at night worrying about how I’m going to pay the bills and feed the kids. It means that for one more month I will be able to provide fully for my little clan: food, shelter, heat, running water, and some modest form of entertainment via cable and the Internet. It means I am employed. It means my health is good and I’m able to work. It means that, while life might not be perfect, and though I’m certainly not rolling in the dough, I have just what I need to take care of my little family. I know there are others more fortunate than I. I do not begrudge them this. I know there are others far less fortunate than I. This humbles me and weighs on me. I wish I could do more to make life better for people less fortunate than I.

Each payday I look forward to being able to pay the bills without having to incur more debt to do so. I don’t have creditors calling me to demand payment. It feels really good to know that for at least another month we are going to be okay. Even though I could not be considered wealthy by any means, I am content. I have just what I need, and that is enough.

About Miz Insomniac

Usually, it's the kids who grow up and leave home, but Miz Insomniac switched it up. When her kids grew up she decided to make her dreams come true so she flew the nest. After making 12 trips across the pond and back to Europe, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East in 2014-15, Miz Insomniac now qualifies as a world traveler. She hasn't quite mastered the fine art of traveling light, but she knows how to manipulate travel plans to avoid missed flights and jet lag. A former hopeless romantic turned realist, she's stateside now reinventing her life in a new city, with new opportunities, and all the challenges that come with leaving a career, traveling abroad for a year, and then returning to a world that's nothing like she left it. Her overseas travel is by no means over, it's just not as frequent. She's different now, but remains a night owl. She writes when she should be sleeping...and while you probably are.

Posted on December 2, 2012, in Finances and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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