Fear

I wonder now how they felt.

Those old people, the adults in my life.  The ones in charge.

They always seemed so confident, so capable, so unafraid.

Answering questions, managing home, paying bills, making sure I made it to adulthood

alive and as safely as possible.

Then, as I aged, they became those older adults, not really very old but sort of  like the wrinkled ones.  You could see it coming in them.  A crease around the eyes that wasn’t there before.  A few more strands of gray that weren’t there yesterday.  Bits of evidence here and there.

I wonder how they felt.

Not yet old, but on the doorstep of aging.

Not yet wrinkled or frail, but barely peeking in through the window of aging decline.

How did they feel?

Just before the door opened and they were swept in to the old house where those with white hair, trembling limbs and a certain number of years all must eventually reside.

How did they feel?

Just before the world stopped looking at them, stopped touching them, stopped noticing them.

Did they feel the way I do right now?

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About Miz Insomniac

Usually, it's the kids who grow up and leave home, but Miz Insomniac switched it up. When her kids grew up she decided to make her dreams come true so she flew the nest. After making 12 trips across the pond and back to Europe, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East in 2014-15, Miz Insomniac now qualifies as a world traveler. She hasn't quite mastered the fine art of traveling light, but she knows how to manipulate travel plans to avoid missed flights and jet lag. A former hopeless romantic turned realist, she's stateside now reinventing her life in a new city, with new opportunities, and all the challenges that come with leaving a career, traveling abroad for a year, and then returning to a world that's nothing like she left it. Her overseas travel is by no means over, it's just not as frequent. She's different now, but remains a night owl. She writes when she should be sleeping...and while you probably are.

Posted on October 10, 2012, in Aging and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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