Monthly Archives: September 2011

Sickness

The stress and lack of sleep and lack of exercise, but mostly the lack of sleep lately and the stress, weakened my germ fighting abilities.  Early last week, I got sick.  I lost my voice.  Continued to work, which is tough to do in my job, but there were Important and Stressful Events going on so I pushed through it.  This last weekend was my first complete weekend home and all the kids were gone to their respective other homes.  My body must have sensed this, somehow, because I ended up in bed with a pretty severe head cold…which I think…turned into the flu.

This has not been fun.

Of course, now, when I most need rest, I cannot get it.  Even with decongestants and cold medicine my head is so stuffed up I can’t breath and my body hurts so badly I cannot get comfortable enough.  I merely pretend to sleep. Then I get frustrated and come down here and write.  If I don’t write, I’m tossing and turning all night long trying to find that elusive comfortable position in which I can both breath and not have my body screaming at me.  There are many things that keep me up at night; add sickness to the list.

In reality, it is the other things that keep me up at night that contributed to weakening my immunity.  Things like money, relationships, the kids, the ex’s, worries about the future.  The same old stuff.  These concerns haunt me, stalk me, never leave me.  I’ve just made a monumental move at a time of year that is probably the most stressful for me.  The only other time I could think of that would be worse, is Christmas, which is exactly why I chose to move now.  Christmas was the next option.  I knew it would be a push.  I figured it would be worth it.  I pushed.  I pushed hard.  I collapsed.

Now…too congested and in pain to sleep…I think and worry.

I worry about the upcoming pay cuts which will come through on my check this next paycheck.

I worry about the gas I’m now spending with the increase in transporting children around.  Maybe I can offset this by walking or riding my bike to work?

I worry (wonder?) about the relationship I’m currently in.  This could be topic for a whole host of future posts.

I worry about my kids.  I worry about financing Christmas.  I worry about my job.  I worry about how long my car will hold up.  I worry about the fact that I still have money left on my flexible spending account and, yet, nothing I can deduct or get reimbursed.  I worry about aging…and death.

I try not to.  I do.  But in the back of my mind all the “what if’s” lurk and stalk and wait to pounce until nights like tonight when I’m wide awake once again.

 

 

Random Sleepless Updates or How I Forgot To Give This Post A Title

My last post found me just mere days away from moving into a place that I was very glad to be moving into and moving out of a place that I couldn’t wait to leave.  I was full of angst about being able to move and be unpacked and settled (or mostly so) before the beginning of a new school year.  The fact that move in costs were going to eat well over half my take home pay for the month of September only prevented the sleeping pills from having any effect.  I was also stressing about recent flare-ups with my second ex, which looked like they were going to head us all back to the courtroom and more time and expense I wanted about as much as one wants a root canal. I had plenty things to keep me mentally wound up for hours each night.

Then September 1st happened.  We got the keys at around noon, and, to our delight, we were given clearance to begin moving in.  That meant an extra day of moving!  Since I had everything except the last minute stuff packed, it was merely a matter of picking up the hand truck and the appliance dolly and getting things in the trailer.  We were able to move enough of our stuff over that day to spend our first night in our new place that night.    The next four days were spent completing the most organized move I’ve ever been part of, and I’ve seen a few, back in the day.  I slept every night, though I was awake each morning at about 5:00, unpacking.  We were pretty much moved and unpacked by Labor Day.  Though we still had a few things ( camping gear, Christmas stuff, and my daughter’s college things) to get at the old place, we were essentially done and out of the boxes in four days.

The 6th was the first day of school, which meant a new school for my youngest (more potential angst) and back to work for me.

The following weekend we moved my daughter in to her apartment a few blocks from campus of her university.

This is my first weekend home.  Well, my first half-weekend home, since tomorrow I’ll be making trip number #2 up to the daughter to bring her the rest of her things.

I’ve slept fairly soundly most nights since moving and I LOVE the new place.  I was worried the kids wouldn’t like the new place…they all love it.

I was worried the ex would serve me papers.  So far, nothing.  I pray he doesn’t ever for any reason.

I was worried about the finances and, as I expected, it’s been an incredibly tight month.  I knew it would be a stretch for us.  I also banked on it being worth the stretch and the sacrifice.  So far it has been a smart decision. Tight times are not fun, but in this case, I’m glad I took the risk.

In all, it has been an incredibly good move.

My daughter is enjoying school for the first time in her life.  It is a joy to see her hop happily on the bus each morning and watch her complete her homework and do her reading each evening without strife.  I love being able to see her off on the bus, walk back to my vehicle half a block away, and drive to work and still arrive early.  There are other reasons it was a good move for all of us.  I think sometimes a place can harbor energy.  If this is the case, then our old place definitely held some negativity and pain for us that we needed to leave behind. Our new place is light, bright, clean and convenient.  We are all happier and more cheerful here.  The bickering among siblings has almost completely disappeared and it is peaceful.

For the most part.

I mean, nothing’s perfect, right?

The neighbors across our driveway are in the habit of leaving a night light on for their dogs.  This is not really a night light but a regular ceiling light which illuminates the very large window they have at the top of their place and which shines all night long, right into my bedroom window.  Also, when these neighbors are out back in their yard (I should just say dirt, because there is no yard just a patch of dirt), they can see right up into my bedroom.  First thing I’m doing after payday?  Purchasing some plants that can act as a screen.  I’ll place them in containers on my upper deck and I won’t see them at all.

Someone in the neighborhood has a dog that enjoys singing to the moon most of the night.  I spent one entire night up listening to this.  I cannot believe they didn’t hear this.  I also cannot believe no one has reported it.  I made the best of it.  I unpacked about four or five boxes.

The commute between our new place and my kids’ high school is eating up my gas budget and is exhausting me.  Teenagers keep late hours, and I just sold my economical Toyota Corolla Wagon.  Had to. The thing was beginning to cost me more and more to maintain and repair.  It was good to sell it, but I’m going to need to get a more economical vehicle than my ’98 Dodge Durango 4×4. So now there is that to budget for, after I get caught up financially from this whole entire move episode.

So, tonight, I’m up, losing sleep, not from worry or angst, but because I have a teenager I have to pick up from a school event which is ending quite late.  My life has improved dramatically in the last three weeks.

I’m moving forward and, for the first time in many years, I’m enjoying it.  The future looks very hopeful from here.

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